#1 - The Acquaintancester
The Friendster rage has swamped me. With a self-proclaimed impressive account of one hundred and eighty-nine friends, most people will think I have a thriving social circle. Yet the truth is I have far more acquaintances than friends. I would be guilty of self-deception if I insist all one hundred and eighty-nine of them are true friends to me. So let us exmaine the issue of friendship against acquaintanceship.
One may argue and ask, what is the difference between friendship and acquaintanceship? I see the former as a rare blossoming of the latter, a nurturing process which requires a unique blend of effort, time and fate. According to Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, a friend means ‘one attached to another by affection or esteem’. One can hardly say the same for a mere stranger acquainted just three minutes ago, or even an old acquaintance who was last contacted during kindergarten years. Acquaintanceship is aplenty, regardless of its age thus far, but is incomparable to friendship.
Meticulousness when separating one’s friends from a sea of acquaintances has its benefits. It is unfair for acquaintances in general if they are expected to do as a friend may, so one can be spared the unpleasant surprise of rejection from an acquaintance. For instance, a friend will not reproach another for calling at two in the morning to gripe about his or her significant other, however, an acquaintance may not be as accommodating. Much disappointment and tears can be saved in friendship if acquaintances are not mistakenly held up to such expectations.
Expectation kills the soul, so I am extremely anal when it comes to differentiating friends from mere acquaintances. Others may think I am weird or plain arrogant, but i beg to differ. The true friends I have can be tallied on two hands, and knowing they are friends for life allows me to cherish them more. Yet I still fall prey to the lure of Friendster because I am but human and I crave attention, too.
The draw of Friendster lies in the human want to be popular and well-liked. Hence, many people will go to the extent of adding mere acquaintances to their accounts to feel more socially apt. The thin line between acquaintanceship and friendship is then, blurred beyond recognition. Acquaintances, especially those in Friendster, have been over-rated. Anyone can be an acquaintance, but not everyone can be a friend.
So, may I propose Acquaintancester?
posted by Lady Lazarus at 7:28 PM
3 Comments:
Your post on acquantances vs. friendships moved me deeply. In the early 90s, when I still lived in L.A.. I had a lot of friends. Or at least I thought of them as friends. It seemed like I was always on the phone, making plans, doing things...there were even times when I had to consciously decide that I could not possibly add a new "friend" to my existing stable of alleged friends. I had over 100 people whose phone numbers I actually had memorized.
It didn't help that I was on the fringes of the film idustry in terms of keeping lots of friends (and acquaintances, because, you see, I thought I knew the difference). After returning from 3 weeks in Savannah< GA while working on a sequel to The Swamp Thing, I came down with a proverbial "rare tropical disease" that they say I got from having been bitten by a mosquito.
I was in the hospital for 10 months. I was paralyzed and they told me that had I not been in the top shape of my life, I would never have walked again.
I contacted everyone whose number I had memorized. Over q 100, as I mentioned. Do you know how many sent cards, flowers, came to visit? About 6. I will never forget them, for they alone were the true friends, and the rest I don't even think I can call acquaintances.
There's a joke flotaing around about how a friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body. I always considered a genuine friendship (from Seinfeld, perhaps?) as someone who's willing to drive to you the airport. Addendum: Or visit you in the hospital one time when struck down with a potentially fatal illness.
Note: I sat on my hospital bed one night about 6 months into my stay and had a ritualistic burning of my address book on a piece of heavy duty aluminum foil. All except for those 6 names. Thank you for allowing me to comment.
Hello there.
Thank you for commenting on this really new blog. I am pleased to know at least someone out there understands and identifies with how I feel about friends.
Let this acquaintanceship continue, shall we? (:
Thank you! You know, after I wrote it, I had "poster's regret" and it occurred to me, maybe it isn't appropriate for me to spill my guts like this in such a lengthy fashion on someone else's blog? But I figured you could always remove it if you felt like it. =)
You are right, what happened was a blessing in disguised, because when I was released from the hospital, a lot of my old "friends" heard about it and called me up, saying, so you're out! Great! Let's go out, clubbing, drinking,dinner, etc. And it suddenly seemed as if in ten short months (well, not short for me sitting there alone) I had "grown up". I was in my late 20s and I had an epiphany -- these people didn't give a shit that I pulled through it, able to walk again. But hey, as long as you're back and healthy again, come party with us. Yeah, right.
The experience gave me an appreciation for true friendship, but also made me a little timid about making friends and making myself vulnerable to all that hurt again. Thankfully, I was heavily medicated on anti-depressants while I was will, or it probably would have effected me 10 times more than it did.
Anyway, I like the idea of our new acquaintanceship. Shall we keep it going here under comments? It'll be our own little secret until the rest of the world discovers your blog! =)
Your pal,
Dom
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