#9 - Penniless Art

“Lousy”
They say
Sheepishly I scamper away
Snide glances piercing me
As my portfolio most conspicuously sway

Deluge of remorse rain down
Pearls of grief course into my heart
In their raging torrents, I drown
Self-reproach arrive as a thousand darts
Why didn’t I make a sound
To counter them and do my part?

***

I deviated from the ‘orthodox’ path
To pledge allegiance to my true desire
To find myself incurring society’s wrath
Just because I chose to fuel the arts fire
In terms of status, I took a bath
Ending up ensnared in a mire

“No future
No prospects…”
They sounded so sure
(for it’s a fact!)
Isn’t there anyone to reassure?
Or, for my sake, cease the throbbing impacts?

I began to ruminate
If society had been right
Whether their words were accurate
That up ahead, there would be no light
Could there be a twist of Fate
To deliver me from this wretched plight?

Yet it had been my very own choice
To abandon conventions and pursue my like
No matter what objections many may voice
I would hold fast, persevering in my artistic hike
Why couldn’t there, in society, be a poise
And give me my fair chance to hold the mike?

***

When will society correct their myopic stands?
When will they realise that it’s okay to take a bend?
When will someone actually raise a hand
To silence the crowd and oppose the trend?
When will this revelation descend upon this land?
When will the tirade ever, ever end?

The realisation dawned upon me when I was speaking to Harie who commented on the foregone probability of us awaiting for our A level results upon completing two gruelling years of college - my passion for the Arts diminished under the immense pressure from society, friends and most importantly, family. I fell prey to the Singaporean societal standards of Artistry myopia.

My 'obsession' with the Arts began in secondary education. I was seen as an adaptation of Don Quixote since I abandoned my triple Science combination in secondary school, Dunman High School, which compelled all students to take double Math and at least double Sciences. I took the high risk and swung into the draining act of juggling eleven subjects, including triple Sciences, double Math and Art. Many thought me to be mad in taking a pure Science combination yet pursuing Art academically. I never enjoyed Science, save for Biology which intrigued me very much, and I totally abhored Mathmatics. However, what really kept me going back to school, day after day, was Art. I strongly believed Fine Arts was going to be my lifelong direction, then.

I continued the pursuit in St' Andrews Junior College with a pure Arts course consisting of Art, Divinity, English Literature and Higher Chinese. It was a dream come true for me to expel mathematics from my education under the Ministry of Education and divert all attention unto the subjects I love, despite family objection and friendly cajoling. The possibilities in my future were seemingly endless then - I aspired to be a writer, a sculptor or artist, even a theologian! I was willing to travel all the way from Bedok to Harbourfront every single day simply because that was the only college that could offer me such a flexible Arts course, and I thought I could hold out despite objections and snide comments which attacked by the dozens. Alas, no matter how hard I tried to excel academically, the fact I was an Arts student disqualified me from society's elite.

Science faculties are always esteemed over the Arts, for reasons based on stereotypes and social myopia. People in the Arts industry are perpetually portrayed and thought of as idealistic people with lofty ambitions who end up struggling to make ends meet. For instance, In Singaporean context, to pursue the Arts equals to taking the dirt road to poverty - artists are seen as street painters, musicians are just little better than roadside baskers and performance artistes like dramatists and dancers are just academically inept. Circumstances turned sour as the future suddenly turned bleak with the revelation that I can never make Art my life without leaving the country, my roots, my identity and my family. A constant struggle with school, family and myself left me physically and mentally jaded, culminating in my leaving of the college for 'greener pastures' in the form of Mass Communications in Ngee Ann Polytechnic.

I allowed myself to be swept away by societal currents. Still, Mass Comm was not a favourable course according to my parents initially, as comapared to Accountancy or BioScience. It was after much arguments on my part and deliberation on theirs that I could happily enroll. After all, Mass Comm is the closest course to Arts that I can find in polytechnics - perhaps in ten years' time, I can even influence the media to cast Arts in a better light. I lie if I were to say I had absolutely no regrets in heeding the majority's advice. Sometimes, the majority should not win because they are not always right.